Austral's Coffee Lounge

Time for treats...

2010-10-01T15:18:00.000+10:00

Yes folks, even a crusty old dragon like me still has birthdays and it is at that time you don't mind people remembering you are aging if they celebrate by giving you something you have always wanted.

Although my birthday is a few days away, I took nathanial out today on a shopping expedition as he had expressed the desire to get me something I really wanted.

And what did I really want?

A Dragontail.

Yum.

It flicks beautifully....what more can I say?

He's such a thoughtful boy.

Protocols...

2010-09-28T15:24:00.000+10:00

I found myself on the wrong end of the stick the other day when I inadvertently breached a D/s couple's relationship and behavior protocol.

In discussions with the Dominant concerned, it was revealed that some of the submissive's vanilla work commitments were monitored and managed by the Dominant. This arrangement was something they had decided between themselves and was not information available in the public arena. Certainly my not knowing of this arrangement meant I would fall foul of their protocols if I was to contact the submissive about this professional vanilla activity. My apology was accepted however it was a dead cert given that there would be a breach of protocol as their arrangement was not in the public domain.

I can understand and appreciate the need for protocols within relationships as I have them in place myself. However I do not unnecessarily inflict them on others without consultation as has been done in this case. I am careful to ensure that protocols for the behavior of my submissive remains between the two of us. When he is to have personal contact with other dominants, we establish how he should behave given each and every situation with respect to the other dominant concerned. He understands that if he is contacted personally, he can seek my advice on how to handle the approach if he is unsure and I trust him to act responsibly and respectfully.

Everyone in a D/s relationship has a different manner in which they conduct their business, if you like, and I don't believe it is anyone's right to inflict their standards on non participatory others without some form of warning or sharing of information. It sets up a nonconsensual interaction which in itself is disrespectful.

A simple statement on a public profile could avert embarrassment and ensure that protocols are not breached.

Only one question remains...if approaching the submissive about something of a vanilla professional work related nature without the Dominant's permission is verboten, then why is the self same submissive allowed to 'friend' dominants with whom he is not permitted to communicate?

"The Suspects"

2010-09-16T12:05:00.000+10:00

Last night I happened to catch an episode of this reality TV show screened on Channel 7 (Aust) and was progressively drawn into the first story featured - being the murder and body dumping of a girl in Queensland. Prime suspects for this grisly crime were the male friend and his girlfriend.

As the plot unfolded it became increasingly evident that this was a case involving what appeared to be some "kinky sex practices" despite all the wider friends group proclaiming how nice the man and his girlfriend were and that he and the victim were really good friends.

Eventually the man and his girlfriend are charged and found guilty of manslaughter (I believe) and this was based on a witness coming forward and describing what appears to have been a nonconsensual rope and breath play session. When confronted with this statement, the accused had admitted that the death had been accidental as he had been suspending her from a curtain rail and she had slipped while he was out of the room and strangled.

The voice over at the end of the proceedings then qualified that there had been some form of reassessment of the case and the charges had been downgraded to death by sexual misadventure.

The above synopsis may not be entirely accurate as I am relying on memory here and can find no material relating to the episode screen on the appropriate TV channel's website. Despite this I was forced to consider just exactly how, where and with whom we practice what it is that we do....

The TV programme skirted round the the whole BDSM issue and didn't actually come out and say that this was a scene gone wrong and was then clumsily covered up. The closest they came was calling the practices of the two accused 'kinky sex'. There was actually no mention at any time that there had been any sexual activity between the parties concerned at all. Play wrestling, rope, curtain rails, trees and plastic bags were mentioned 'carefully' by the actors in the reconstructed roles of police officers....

Whatever transpired between the three will no doubt remain with those three - but the outcome serves as a timely warning to all in the scene never to leave someone alone when they are roped and suspended.

My alarm bells were ringing over the statement tendered by the witness which lead to the successful prosecution of the pair. She came to police after recognising the police picture of the accused man and reported an incident which took some months before in the bush.

She described some activities, the full details of which I am sure we will never be privy to, which sounded in the context given as if they had been rope and breath play again using plastic bags. What came out of the presentation of this information was that this appeared to be a non consensual act on behalf of the witness. She reported the incident as if it had been an attempt to kill her. It may well have been. It may also have been a negotiated play that didn't pan out the way she expected and she decided to get some of her own back...again who knows?

No doubt this case was well reported in the papers at the time it took place and has now moved into the annuls of reality crime TV. The manner of presentation did not come out screaming for the heads of all those kinky BDSM practitioners nor did it really play up that aspect of the matter. No one wants to see needless loss of life and this serves to remind us all that we should take care with what we practice.

Enforced Chastity - Castration

2010-09-08T13:35:00.001+10:00

It seems somewhat puzzling to find there are persons out there in Fetish World as well as Real Life who crave a state of enforced chastity and in some cases castration. I do not deny their right to choose such a state for themselves however I wonder at their reasons for making such a decision about their physical functions.

Choosing to be prepared to submit to a state of enforced chastity is not a purely physical choice. It is not just a case of saying "I no longer wish to have effective penetrative sexual relationships with another person therefore I will physically restrain my sex organs in order to prevent this from being able to take place".

Chastity is defined as "the state or quality of being chaste. Virginity or celibacy." To be considered chaste it appears one has to be pure of character or conduct, not indecent but virtuous, nor should one have been guilty of unlawful sexual intercourse.

Seems that one can indulge in lawful sexual intercourse and still be considered to have exhibited the qualities of chastity!

I find myself wondering if enforced chastity should be more about thought than deed. Purity of thought and ascribing to a higher purpose are hallmarks of the religiously celibate however can those concepts be readily translated to the Fetish World? Do we need the accoutrements of the cock cage and other male chastity devices to enforce this physical constraint when we are really asking for the mental toughness to control a natural bodily function?

Male Castration.

Definition: to remove the testicles from; emasculate; geld

End result? eunuch, castrato, infertile ..... but in some cases still capable of penetrative sexual activity just not capable of fertilising an egg! Eunuchs with functioning penises were highly sought after within harems in order to keep the women satisfied between visits to the sultans! The castrato were sought after for more than their wonderful singing voices.

Is castration sought as a means of being denied any sexual activity at all? It doesn't always translate that way when mutually pleasing sexual activity is so much more than PIV sex....

When addressing the topic of emasculation, thoughts turn to the image of the ball breaking harridan that derides and demeans a weedy little number who is little more than a pathetic excuse for a member of the human race....cartoons and comedy shows are made of such stuff! Emasculation can be as simple as not validating someone in their role as 'man of the house' and asking them to help with the things that fall within their skill set- just the stuff of everyday relationship pitfalls!

This falls with all certainty into the fetish class of the mind fuck....but it is territory that is laden with minefields and approached with caution. It occurs to me that some out there that desire this enforced chastity or castration are actually past victims of such careless tampering with their fragile psyches and are in need of care and attention not size 10 boots stomping all over them.

This is such broad topic and requires more thought and research into the why's and wherefores.......

Australian Sex Party

2010-09-07T12:19:00.002+10:00

Yesterday I joined a political party.

The Australian Sex Party.

My decision to join a political party has not been made lightly...most people who have reached my ancient age are pretty firmly entrenched one way or another in the manner in which they will cast their votes in a state or federal election.

I have been your perennial swinging voter... always assessing the local candidates and their policies rather than toeing the party line. I have rarely if ever assigned my preferences as the "How to Vote" cards direct.

What has changed my mind?

There comes a time when at last something resonates... after all the years of feeling pretty well disenfranchised by what the majors have to offer, at last there is something out there that takes a humanist view. Its a view that encompasses the marginalised in our communities, it addresses freedom of choice (in many areas including censorship and euthanasia), equal rights for same sex couples and emphasizes the importance of universal sex and health education throughout the country.

It may have the answers to all the burning questions but it certainly addresses some that are close to my heart. I have chosen to declare my support of both the party and its principles.

Website -Australian Sex Party
Blog - ASP Blog
Facebook - ASP Facebook Page

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-28T10:50:00.003+11:00

Shopping

2009-10-22T11:03:00.004+11:00

I'm not adverse to occasional retail therapy (usually books or music) but I loath shopping for clothes with a passion! I guess it has something to do with the fact that I look dreadful in most anything and no matter what I would like to wear, I can't. So I don't shop until it becomes absolutely necessary and then I am half hearted about it.

It comes as somewhat of a revelation to accompany someone who loves to dress up, loves to shop for that special item for the next Big Night Out.

Time was of the essence and finding an appropriately sized black patent leather shoe or boot with a high heel for this friend was challenging. Never fear, dear reader, as the wonderful proprietress of Transitions by Celeste came to the rescue.

A quick trip after work last night and the boy was in seventh heaven.... there were gangster style pumps in black and white, delectable white courts with lockable ankle straps, pink pumps and the most alluring pair of black patent leater knee highs some what similar to these:They fitted..... but he had to try others just in case.....this was his first excursion into heels.....and he managed them well on the soft carpet. The event is in two days and there is no time for him to get in much practice wearing them. They looked so cute, the heels and the toes just peeping out from under the hem of his suit trousers!

What was he going to do? Of course they came home with us....how could he have resisted?

He had been extremely nervous on the car on the trip over, expressing doubt as to the whys and wherefores of what he was doing. When we returned to the car with the box carefully placed in the back seat, he turned to me and grinned: "I'm sooo excited!!!! I just love this dressing up bit!"

It is so nice to see someone gain pleasure from shopping.

Being at Cross Purposes...

2009-10-20T13:11:00.003+11:00

NO No NO No NO, you silly duffer... not Cross Dressing - Cross purposes!!

Talk about a case of wishful thinking.

Wishful thinking is something we are all guilty of at one time or another. Hoping against hope that something might turn your way for once and your deepest darkest desires would be met. Or is this, in fact, one of the other class of Hope - unrealistic expectation?

Consider this scenario:

Party A (let's call them Boss) has in the past played a significant role in the life of Party B (shall from here on in be known as the slave) Its been an intense relationship under specific pressure because the slave needed privacy.

The Boss was prepared to sacrifice many things to this need for privacy. The Boss was not prepared to accept being treated as anything less than THE MOST SIGNIFICANT BOSS IN ALL THE WORLD to this lowly slave. This was a more than mutually acceptable thing to both parties.

The Boss willingly disciplined the slave where necessary, enjoyed many an adventurous escapade in the limited time the slave was allowed and generally made life all the more bearable for the miserable creature. The slave deeply appreciated this generosity on the part of The Boss as the slave was painfully aware that its restriction of privacy and all that it entailed was a handicap to this relationship.

The slave became increasingly uncomfortable with this need for privacy, and became more and more self obsessed eventually asking that the Boss allow it to return to its normal life. Much to the Boss' displeasure, the creature was allowed its freedom.

The slave knew this decision on the part of the Boss was hurtful and damaging, so it promised to continue to be a friend in the real world.

The Boss accepted this offer but was skeptical of how this would work given the slave was so needful of the Boss' firm guiding hand. The Boss knew that the slave would have trouble resisting the allure of its previous comfortable, pleasurable existence under the Boss' wing.

There were several occasions when the slave's manner and behaviour indicated it might well have reconsidered its request for freedom and was desperately wanting back in. The Boss reminded it of it's choice and checked it continuously for overstepping the mark.

Most recently, the Boss had been absent and contact in that real world had been limited. It was a significant time in the history of the slave and the Boss - it was a birthday and the anniversary of their first face to face meeting and together these were two significant events that had always been recognised and celebrated.

It seems they are no longer of importance to the slave.

Was it wishful thinking on the part of the Boss to have expected the slave would have remembered and found the time without being prompted?

Was it an unrealistic expectation on the part of the Boss to be considered anything more than a distraction from the ho hum humdrum of the slave's boring miserable life?

Apparently the answers to these questions are a) yes and b) yes.

Definitely wishful thinking and an unrealistic expectation.

Damn.

Reality is a bugger!

Still, its nice to have pipe dreams.......

....Maybe Santa will deliver one of these to every good girl or boy this Christmas? ;)

Realisation has Dawned

2009-10-12T14:15:00.003+11:00

It has been some time since I felt motivated to write here. My motivation for coming to this space and expressing my thoughts about my life in both words and pictures had somehow fizzled out. I felt no desire to expose myself nor to spend time examining why it was I could no longer make comment.

Yesterday, a series of events occurred - minor things in the scheme of things - but together they brought a word bubbling up to the top of my mind. It hadn't dawned on me why I was so reluctant to "put myself out there". I was unaware that maybe I was protecting myself from further harm by doing a fair imitation of a turtle and making sure I was nicely tucked up inside my safe hard shell.

I said "no" to someone yesterday.

For me to say no to someone is a rare thing indeed. It is usual I will be as accommodating as possible and when asked if I can help, I will put my own needs on the backburner and do what I can and then some.

I said no.

I had other commitments. I could have managed to fit in this task with some fiddling, but I realised I was being asked because it was known that I would help. I honoured my initial commitments instead.

I was surprised to find I did not feel guilty. I did not feel as if I had let someone down. These are feelings that normally would have dogged me for the rest of the evening, however it seems a page has been turned; a step has been taken; a realisation has dawned.

The person made this request of me was someone who had been very special in my life. Someone so special to me, I would have moved heaven and earth to do anything for in the past.

I had opened my heart and my life to them. I was prepared to share my future with them no matter the cost.

It appeared that this was not enough for them - they wanted something I could not give as it wasn't mine to give. They took it anyway. Having done so, they discarded me. In the taking, they encouraged another to treat me with such a total lack of respect, I could no longer find it within myself to trust them.

It took some time for me to get over the manner in which I had been treated and for me to move on. In the interim, I allowed myself to be taken advantage of and paid the price.

Over this time there were a succession of incidents within my personal relationships that could only be described as disastrous. I was treated with disrespect, lied to repeatedly, let down, discarded by another for purely selfish reasons, saw another long term friendship wither and die. I wondered whether I was to blame, whether I was just incapable of managing to maintain interpersonal relationships with anyone at any level; that I was destined to be alone.

I withdrew into myself only socialising when people expressed the expectation that I should attend a particular event. Even then, I thought twice as to whether I would attend or not. My body shut down - it felt nothing, it responded to nothing - I moved from being a vibrant sexually engaged person to a non responsive piece of flesh and bone. I chose to be by myself. Its not the way to make new alliances, new friends, build new relationships, I know. But it felt safe. I needed to be safe.

I don't feel sadness, dismay, disappointment, frustration, depression, worthlessness or any other negative feeling when reading this back. I understand what happened all those long months ago and now I know why I reacted as I did.

To those I encounter from day to day, I hope I have retained my dignity in all this. I hope I have not behaved in a manner that could be perceived as rude, distrustful, disrespectful or damaging as I have tried to keep my own counsel and not lower myself to behave in the same way. Some may think that I have done that. Perhaps it is because they haven't taken the time to actually find out what happened and why I have been "aloof".

What was that word that surfaced?

Betrayal.

More electro stimulation

2009-06-26T14:12:00.003+10:00

Found this little darling on Red Ferret .....

Wonder just what use those who like this sort of play would make of this??

This is the Acupuncture Pen Plus:

Go here to read all about it!!!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-06-07T13:40:00.004+10:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-06-03T16:36:00.003+10:00

Electrical Play

2009-06-01T14:34:00.004+10:00

There is a particular group within the BDSM scene who love their electrical play.

They avidly compare notes on their Hitachis, violet wands, TENS machines and other assorted devices suited to Electrical Play in their scenes. Sourcing the equipment for other than medical purposes, how to use the equipment safely and modifications for maximum effect are often topics of intense and enthusiastic discussion.

Imagine my amusement when, within a totally vanilla setting, I find earnest salespersons inveigling me to take a seat, whilst allowing them to attach some pads and handing me the control unit! Dr T.E.N.S . units could be purchased right there and then on the spot! With some careful consideration of the purpose of the machine and the right extras health cover, a rebate on the purchase could also be obtained.

It took all my self control to walk on by without making an inappropriate comment however, I will check out the prices the next time I encounter them!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-05-27T08:29:00.002+10:00

Overstepping Boundaries

2009-05-26T09:01:00.003+10:00

Isn't it challenging when someone fails to live up to expectations?

Having built a good reputation and a position within a community, held in such regard by people whose judgment you respect, how disappointing it is to find them personally lacking.

It is equally disturbing when the person criticises others for lacking in showing the proper respect for their community history, experience and position. It is disturbing to think that people expect to be offered respect based on tenure rather than themselves demonstrating high personal standards of behavior worthy of that respect.

Respect is something that is not bestowed automatically, nor should it be expected as a given. That smacks of an overinflated sense of one's own self-importance. Respect is something that is earned - it is a reflection of the high standards to which one would hold one's self, the manner in which one treats others and the capacity for humility, generosity of spirit and knowledge.

Respect can be bestowed upon people whom you would not call friends, people you would not choose to socialise with or be friends with; these are people that have earned that respect anyway. Their behavior and manner engenders that respect.

It is very difficult when someone you call friend, for whom you have respect, fails to maintain that standard of behavior and loses your respect. How do you deal with the ensuing conflict of emotion? This person is your friend, yet you could cheerfully walk away and have nothing more to do with them because their halo has slipped?
Do you overlook their indiscretion and carry on like nothing has happened?
Do you raise the matter with them and risk a more distressing clash?
Do you step back, withdrawing from contact and hope they will see the consequences of their actions for themselves?

Wordless Wednesday

2009-05-20T08:00:00.000+10:00

Setting Boundaries

2009-05-19T20:59:00.003+10:00

How do you know when the boundaries you set for yourself are too stringent? Or perhaps too relaxed?

How do you feel when they are pushed but not overstepped?

What about the boundaries, the limits, that others set?

What happens when the defences are tossed right hard up again and you find yourself shut out?

Do you walk away defeated or do you fight to regain entry because the eventual goal is worthy of your struggle?

I have nothing but questions... they are rhetorical. I just needed to voice them.

Defining Submission 2 - Service

2009-05-08T14:20:00.003+10:00

What makes a submissive?

What makes a good submissive?

What makes a service submissive?

What makes a good service submissive?

These questions have been tumbling around in my mind over the past few weeks as I have been challenged by a number of situations where I found myself critical of what I was observing. The manner, behavior and skill level of the submissives I had the opportunity to watch was, to say the least, somewhat lacking.

In the first instance I considered there were two possible explanations -
(a) The submissive wasn't very good, and
(b) the submissive lacked the training to perform as well as was considered competent.

Giving it further thought, I concluded there were more explanations to this frustrating turn of events -
(a) The observing dominant (ie Moi) was overly critical,
(b) The standards of the other dominants present weren't as high as mine are,
(c) The submissives were present and taking part only to further their own interests rather than those they were meant to serve.

I stand by my quote in the initial post - that a good submissive must first be a good man.

I believe this is the core to all service submissive roles - whether as formal butler, sissy maid, table slave, personal care attendant or footstool - it is imperative to become aware and trained in the areas of service to be offered and be competent at it before offering it as part of your submission.

I encountered one - just one - example of a service submissive who actually knew his stuff! He was obviously very very capable when it came to massage and would continue to be so whether slipping back into the mainstream world in his jeans and shirt, or prettily attired in her short pink frilly dress and her high heel black boots.

The greatest skill of a service submissive is attention to detail.

It is the key to successful service on any level - you must know what is required of you, pay attention to everything that is going on around you and be ready to deal with any situation that should arise.

In a table service situation, a guest should never have to request to have their water glass filled, nor should they be without standard condiments or a clean napkin. A dirty plate or cup should never remain in front of them. It is incumbent on the service submissive to attend to these matters without direction. If a cup of tea has been finished, then it is appropriate to enquire as to whether a refill is required and ensure that it is delivered! Only doing half the task is only half good enough!

There are buckets more examples that could be given here - but service submission is all about ensuring that your dominant and her guests are the focus of ALL your attention. You will be rewarded. You may find the dominant of your dreams at an event like this - its's not a good idea to wreck your chances by not setting foot in the main arena because you are spending all your time in the locker room with the other players!

It is not an opportunity to compare make-up notes or find the best place for man sized high heels - this can be done in an appropriate environment especially designed to cater for such networking. It is important but not at the expense of the dominants for whom these events were held.

Was I being overly critical? Are my standards too high?

The answer to these questions is emphatically NO!

It took a great deal of control on my part not to interfere as I was a guest on all three occasions. A good guest, a scene does not make!

What it has done is harden my resolve with respect to ensuring that, given the opportunity, training shall be to the highest standards possible. It will take a very skilled. polished, attentive, respectful service submissive to win my praise and thanks. In the meantime, there is some work to be done knocking a few rough edges of those who wish to try and fill those shoes!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-05-06T14:12:00.002+10:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-29T20:17:00.002+10:00

Defining Submission

2009-04-27T12:35:00.004+10:00

A curly question posed over a plate of salad yesterday afternoon gave me reason to think carefully about how one can define "submission" in the context of BDSM.

Giving some thought to this over the past few hours, I have concluded there is no one answer that fits all. It seems to me that for each D/s coupling out there, there is a definition that suits that pairing.

It behooves me as a dominant woman to examine more thoroughly my definition of submission and in doing so, be able to clearly communicate my desires to any that would offer me their submission.

I am already of the mind that I am not interested in a submissive who will turn over his life to me...I am more of the mind to engage with a submissive who is in control of their own day to day lives.

I like this quote:

"To be a good submissive man, you need to be a good man......."

It interests me not to have to micro manage. A chaotic personal or family life, disordered working life, shaky financial management skills - none of these make an appealing prospect.

There is no appeal for me as a dominant woman in having someone present themselves for consideration who cannot organise their own day to day existence. How would I trust them to complete assigned tasks and to meet my needs if they cannot care for themselves?

This complex subject requires more investigation, conversation and invariably, more expression within these pages. It would interest me to hear from those who identify as submissive - please feel free to comment with your personal definition of submission.

.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-22T12:44:00.002+10:00

Political Correctness taken too far again?

2009-04-15T16:21:00.003+10:00

It never ceases to amaze how often political correctness is shown to be ludicrous. Take, for example, Amazon's latest little effort to make their "lists" more family friendly.

This report appeared this morning in The Age newspaper detailing how many well known titles have been 'dropped' from lists because they may well 'encourage' some sort of anti social sexual behaviour! As if the titles of books, many not in the least bit sexual in nature, can cause a sudden outbreak of homosexuality in the young and impressionable?!?!

I find it quite remarkable that the lists described as family friendly will be full of titles that are violent and destructive yet no one seems to think that these need censoring and that those same impressionable young things will be discerning enough not to pursue a life of crime and violence against their fellow humans.

Even within the ranks of the lists, well crafted and accessible texts like "The Joy of Sex" and universally admired pieces of literature by the likes of Annie Proux et al, have been removed from the lists yet blatantly and overt heterosexual content like a collection of Playboy centrefolds are left in....so much for a balanced view of sexuality!

Grow up Amazon!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-08T08:00:00.001+10:00

Science, sex and S/M

2009-04-04T10:07:00.004+11:00

I get the giggles every time I read that some august journal has published research into some of the practices associated with BDSM. Like we need to hear someone in a white coat telling us what we are doing is actually good for us?

This time, its spanking getting the once over...... read here for all the latest research!

I liked the NZ reporting of the same story - the pictures are getting wilder!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-01T15:59:00.003+11:00

Gettin' an education

2009-03-27T17:18:00.004+11:00

Perhaps you read all about training and education in all things kinky in some of my previous posts on the topic and decided "this is for me"!

Were you disappointed to find my references were only pointing you to classes held in Melbourne (Australia)?

There are a wonderful range of classes held in most Australian capital cities and today I point you to Uber Services in Sydney - they provide a range of workshops, panel discussions and even game show format evenings where you can broaden your knowledge base, meet like minded kinky folk and generally get out and get educated!

Try these on for size!

Wanna have more fun?

2009-03-26T09:47:00.006+11:00

Have you always wondered how those kinky people find out about all that kinky stuff they get up to?

Of course there's the 'net, and before that there was reading - from actual books, no less! Before that? It was word of mouth maybe?

These days you can expand on all that delicious material so readily searchable on the 'net and turn it into real time classes and workshops. These are workshops where you will have the opportunity to find out the correct ways to tie, bind, pierce, hit, flog and humiliate with real live people....who are just as curious and willing to expand their education as you.

Not only are there internationally known authors and educators travelling the world, sharing their knowledge and skills with those who are lucky enough to hear of their presence locally; but there are also people of skill and knowledge in local areas who are willing to share.

In recent months, Adrenachrome has begun running workshops for those lucky enough to be in, near or visiting Melbourne (Australia). These are workshops that are open to anyone who is interesting in expanding their knowledge and building on their skills, ensuring that they learn the safe way to play!

There are other classes run in other Australian cities and by other organisations and businesses - all of them are interested in ensuring that people understand fully what the risks of play are, what precautions they should take and how to have a great time without endangering their partner!

If you are new to the scene and want a means by which to get to know some other like minded people - this is also a wonderful way to discover that we are all "normal" people - with jobs, families and friends who know nothing of our 'interests' - and that we all like to have time and interaction with fellow kinksters.

None of Adrenachrome's tutors look like this!
However, we do like the odd cane or two!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-25T11:44:00.003+11:00

Forced Feminisation, Cross Dressing and Sissies.

2009-03-19T15:37:00.003+11:00

Recently I was party to a conversation about sissies - how they are only obsessed with finding themselves dressed in women's clothing and the "high" they get from it. It was suggested that sissies are not true submissives - in that the only interest they are serving is their own.

I see that there are several different "kinks" at play here and a great deal of it depends on the D/s dynamic, if that is in fact the nature of the relationship.

From my perspective (and I am sure I am not alone in thinking this) a crossdresser is someone who takes an interest in dressing truly and accurately in the garb of the opposite gender. This has no bearing on their sexual preference or their perceived "kink" status - it can and does occur in its own right as a fetish/preference/predeliction. A cross dresser is not necessarily submissive in nature, nor are they considered gay.

Pre-op transgenders will opt for the dress of the gender to which they are transitioning as the norm - it is required of pre ops that they live as a man or woman before any surgery will be contemplated and naturally that will include dressing appropriately. This still does not mean they would be automaticallly considered submissive if they were involved in the "kink" scene.

There are those that secretly harbour the desire to flirt with life on the other side of the coin - and it could be argued that they cover their own secret fetish for dressing up in ladies silken underwear with being willing to accept "forced feminisation". It can hardly be forced if the participant is willing to go there, now is it? In this circumstance, we are dealing with a person who has a fetish they wish to explore and satisfy....again this does not make them a submissive.

This type of person can often get caught up in the kink scene as it provides them with a means for public expression of this aspect of their personalities. I wonder whether they consider that if they label themselves submissive, they think they will find themselves a safe place in which they can indulge their fetish. This seems to be the issue for a number of dominant women - that the sissies they encounter are all of the "do-me" type in that if they are dessed up, they are fine; forgetting that they are actually expected to do more than fulfil their own fantasies!

Where does the wearing of clothes of the opposite gender fit in the kink sphere? For every different D/s relationship, there will be a place this will fit - or not - as the case may be. For some, the idea that they must be seen in a humiliating selection of women's clothing in public will be the most punishing act to which they can be subjected.

For others, coupling silly frilly clothing like the classic French maid's apron with nakedness and rope cuffs will seem like the height of sensual pleasure, especially if it is worn in a setting whereby the wearer is required to perform table service for their dominant and her friends.

Others are open and comfortable enough to reveal their personal pleasure in the feel and look of women's knickers but would never dream of presuming they would be allowed to wear them in the presence of their Mistress. An astute observer of the human condition would soon realise that given the correct time and space, that allowing their submissive to don such apparel would have them spiralling out into the farthest reaches of subspace in no time flat!

This is the submissive man that I would have - one that understands that his being allowed to dress this way is not only for his pleasure but for mine as well. There is nothing I love to see more than a man helpless in his pleasure, knowing that I am the one with the means to have reduced him to this quivering mess. To see his eyes glaze as he slips away into that headspace is empowering yet humbling. Knowing that he is struggling with the conflicting feeling of pleasure from the feel of the fabric to the pain of the humiliation of being made to feel as if he were a little girl - for those who enjoy working with the mind, this is sublime.

I do not believe that he is any less a man; he certainly doesn't qualify as a sissie. He is not a cross dresser nor is he transgender. He is curious but cautious, trusting yet not naive, submissive but not selfish or self interested. He will dress in women's clothing only when and where I specify and he loves it. He loves knowing I will allow it when I feel it is right - there is no expectation and he would take a refusal of the right with good grace.

This is submission.

This is submission within the terms we have negotiated.

Absence...

2009-03-04T16:59:00.004+11:00

I am aware that this blog has been neglected of late... I have even managed to miss last week's Wordless Wednesday!

There have been many things happening in the real life world that have had a dampening effect on the will to record, question and explore issues of sexuality and life affirming activity. When one is surrounded by images of destruction and death, injury and pain and the emotional storm of grief, its really hard to be upbeat and joyous!

It has been somewhat of a revelation to discover, amidst all this, that I have a particular penchant for rope. It just happened. A couple of workshops here and there, seeing the delight in the eyes of my willing captives; it was enough to convince me that this was something I could appreciate in many more ways that just a means of stopping someone from moving or running away.

There's a feel to the fibre that engages your senses on one level, there's the shiver that runs up your arm as the strands slip through your fingers; there's the appreciation of the layers and textures that emerge as the fibres are wrapped, twisted, looped, knotted and combined around the willing flesh. What engages me even more is the reaction of the person who has been bound.....how they delight in the subtle pressure of the bindings, how reluctantly they agree to be released and how delighted they are when the imprint of the rope or cord is left on their flesh.

You could say I have caught the bug! I am now to be found haunting the aisles of the local hardware stores searching for smooth cotton ropes, carefully prepared hemps, metal rings for built in link points and coloured twines for decorative touches.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-04T15:12:00.004+11:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-02-18T20:57:00.002+11:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-02-11T08:00:00.002+11:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-02-04T08:00:00.000+11:00

Its hot!!

2009-01-29T00:27:00.005+11:00

The weather has turned fearsomely feral here and at 12.30am it is over 30 inside the house despite cooling.

When it is so unpleasant, what does one do to pass the time?

Watch TV.

Tonight I have seen two different strangulations one of which was successful and the other not - a dramatic political statement of the anti war variety and reruns of an American sitcom.

This line caught my attention -
"God gave us feet for three reasons.

Massage, pedicure and to be tied to the other end of the bed!"

Wendie Malik (as Nina in Just Shoot Me)

What a subtle little reference to kink..... ;)

Wordless Wednesday

2009-01-29T00:25:00.002+11:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-01-21T14:26:00.004+11:00

The Pursuit of Excellence

2009-01-18T17:43:00.006+11:00

I wonder how many of us in our advancing years regard education, edification, acquiring knowledge, perfecting skills, taking training sessions as being something of a high priority.

Do we, as we get older, consider ourselves educated enough, worldly enough, experienced enough not to seek to attain a better understanding of our lives, ourselves and our world?

Big questions, however they are, like Geoffrey Robertson used to propose, purely hypothetical.

I am always in need of knowing more - when I choose to read, it is usually in pursuit of more information about an issue or a topic that has arisen from the previous text I have read. There is a definite pattern to my reading and it reflects my need to broaden and deepen my knowledge.

When I had the chance to take a class just recently with the opportunity for hands - on practice, I was of two minds whether to pursue this. I had practiced and studied my path on the road of kink in relative private. I had chosen a self exploratory path that was about the realisation of dreams and desires for myself and my willing plaything. I had, in fact, actively resisted attempts to step into the "scene" and go public in any shape or form.

But I could not resist the niggle..... that little voice in the back of my head that said "This is a great chance, take it, you idiot." So I did. On the way there, I nearly turned around and went home when the need to remain private came bubbling up yet again.

So, I can hear you thinking, what was the class?

CBT.

Basic rules of engagement - refresher on safe practices.

Basic bondage...... Sensation play .... Waxplay .......Insertion.

With, as our trainer put it, stunt penises with which to practice.

Most, but not all, of what was covered in the session I was familiar with; but I had never worked with a pierced penis and it was a great opportunity to learn the correct procedure for the safe handling of body with piercings in sensitive bits.

It also highlighted the importance of a thorough check and honest appraisal of health issues beforehand with the owner of the penis. After all, when someone is blindfolded and/or gagged and cannot protest the application of a product like Deep Heat to his balls, its too late when the allergic reaction sets in!

One of the main things highlighted at this session was how deliciously inventive you can be with the contents of the kitchen and bathroom cupboards! There is little need for flashy toys with silly price tags when most items are to hand... its just a matter of a little lateral thinking applied and some exquisite tortures can be forthcoming!

It was a most edifying afternoon, capably handled and well planned, well received by all involved and has encouraged me not to be as insular in my pursuit of knowledge in the future!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-01-14T09:04:00.002+11:00

Environmentally aware sexual behavior

2009-01-10T14:33:00.003+11:00

There are those among us who have a genuine fear for the future of the planet and have adopted a range of environmentally aware practices in their daily lives hoping they can in some small way contribute to securing that future.

Recycling, reusing and refusing unnecessary packaging, reduced water usage, alternative power options, solar efficient housing, home food gardens, energy efficient appliances, limiting the size of families and alternative means of personal transport are all options most of us are familiar with.

Most recently has been the issue of "Food Miles" - ie how much it costs in fuel and pollution of the planet to have Californian cherries on the table in the middle of an Australian winter. The food miles movement encourages consumers to be aware of the origin of the foods they are buying and the exercise their choice by buying locally grown and produced food from their immediate neighbourhood.

It was with great amusement that I read this snippet -

THINK LOCAL

Having mentioned "locavore", it may be worth saying something about a related term that has been appearing this past month, another aspect of what a writer in the Wall Street Journal on 5 November called The New Frugality.

In the same way in which locavores are urged to shop locally to reduce the carbon cost of the long-distance transport of goods, locasexuals are encouraged to ditch that long-distance partner and find a significant other from nearer home.

Barron YoungSmith used it in Slate on 22 October and suggested - with tongue firmly in cheek - the creation of a Date Local movement that would seek to reduce one's "sex miles": "The group would be there to cushion the brokenhearted by imparting newly minted locasexuals with a sense of noble self-sacrifice - not
to mention a pool of cute, like-minded enviros who happen to live in the neighborhood."

I was given cause to wonder just how many people embarking on a relationship would consider the environmental impact of the distance between their places of residence! Then I recalled one of the early remarks made to me by my now partner -

"You live where??? Good grief! That's almost the other side of the world... I wouldn't drive that far to see anyone, no matter how good a fuck they are!"

He changed his mind.

It might have had something to do with how good a fuck I was... or perhaps it was that I could cook and that old adage certainly rang true with him.....you know the one - "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach!"

On the other hand, can one sucessfully conduct an LDR using alternative means of communication - ie computers, telephones etc and still be environmentally aware? Some would argue that the online/cyber relationship is the ultimate in environmentally aware sexual behavior. However, there is the small matter of the manufacture, transport, operation, power consumption and safe disposal of the computer to consider. Is this cost smaller and less effective of the planet than say driving four hours each way once a week to see your lover?

Something to ponder....

Wordless Wednesday

2009-01-07T09:54:00.003+11:00

Ignore the title today as "Wordless Wednesday" deserves some explanation. This is not an original idea on my behalf however I liked the idea of just posting a picture - no words necessary.

Of late, I have been rather overwhelmed, distracted, somewhat jaded and altogether disinterested in posting hereabout, so I figured this might be one way I could rekindle my interest.

So here goes......the first Wordless Wednesday post. If you like the idea, why not hop on board and begin posting your own......

Fetlife Festive Frolics

2008-12-24T07:18:00.002+11:00

The festive season brings out the best (and worst) in everyone, but over at Fetlife, John Baku and his fabulous team have come up with a very generous way to say thank you to their fabulous bunch of volunteers and site members.

Every one of their Fetlife Greeters and Caretakers are receiving one of these Kinky Christmas Stockings as a "Thank you" for all their work in making Fetlife the greatest place to be kinky! Members can take part in a draw to receive one of these five stockings full of goodies as well... so get on over there, chcck out the site, join up and enter the draw!

Happiness is infectious

2008-12-08T14:54:00.003+11:00

A friend's blog posting alerted me to a report on the release of this research on happiness and it set me to thinking.

In the world of polyamory, so often you see and hear arguments about the jealousy factor, how to deal with it, how it causes so many issues, the relationships that have suffered because of...etc etc etc.... ad nauseum.

No one ever focuses on what could be good about having more than one loving partner and what wonderful benefits it could have for all concerned and for their friends. Surely taking the poly path is about pursuing happiness? If you are happy, then so are your family, your friends and your close neighbours according to this research, because happiness is catching!!!

What better positive endorsement of the "good side" of poly living could this be? After all, a poly person is all about sharing love with more than one - and if this shared love brings happiness and joy to others, then that can only be good!

What does being happy do for us?

We are physically and emotionally healthier, its good for our cardiac health, it exercises our facial muscles because we're smiling so much and our immediate friends family and neighbours are all invigorated by our new found joy.

Spread some happiness in your neighbourhood and we could all end up living in a much better world!

The Printed Page

2008-11-29T09:53:00.004+11:00

I must confess to a life long addiction - books.

I read.

I keep everything I read.

I cannot belong to a library because they expect you to give the books back!

If I wish to read something I must own it!

I was trawling around a couple of blogs on totally unrelated topics and discovered this blog with a sidebar widget displaying a random selection of books from the blogger's personal library. This prompted me to recall that many people who are new to alternative lifestyles are always looking for information about their particular kink. So I thought I should try out this new "library" and build one that is just about my reading on sex, kink, gender, fetishism and the whole fruit salad!

The widget is easy to build....even I could manage it! Curious readers can click on it and be taken straight to my library which contains details of the books, links to reviews and, of course, a chance to find out about starting your own LibraryThing!

Give me a day or three and I will have listed the contents of my "Sex Library" including fiction, non fiction, my fetish photography book collection, biography and anything else I think might be of interest to the world out there.

Sex Death and Politics

2008-11-26T14:57:00.005+11:00

As a sweet young thing, it always used to amuse me that the three topics one did not discuss at a dinner party were Sex, Death and Politics....how things have changed! Where would a decent dinner party be these days if one avoided these topics?

Let's face it - if we are not getting any sex ourselves, we certainly want to hear about people who are! As for politics, well there's nothing like a scandalous action the part of a politician somewhere that will raise a few eyebrows and start a few tongues wagging.

What a wonderful state of affairs we have now. I recently attended Sexpo in Melbourne and was delighted to find that we have a new political party to hear from. The Australian Sex Party has declared it necessary to start formalising their political status and has begun recruiting for members and has a Senate candidate in the guise of Fiona Patten from the Eros Foundation.

Last year, just prior to the last Federal election, the Eros Foundation were campaigning for voters to exercise their rights to protect us from unnecessarily discriminatory censorship laws. This new party has taken it further and have a number of different sex and gender issues which they have addressed as a matter of policy, censorship being just one of them.

The fledgling group is of course looking for members in order to qualify and register as a political party - perhaps this is one group that people would be happy to vote for!

Sexpo attendees were showing their support by sporting the temp tattoos being applied by earnest young party faithful.

So that's quite enough sex and politics together.....should we talk about death now???

Oral sex - who is in charge here?

2008-11-11T14:02:00.002+11:00

My favourite time waster forum tossed up a new item for consideration today, that is the question of whether or not a truly dominant woman can maintain her dominance whilst giving head.

The whole idea of oral sex is for some women distasteful, that it is one of those things they do under sufferance because their bloke likes and or expects it as part of their normal sexual activity. Many women dislike it so much that they will not do it. Those that do 'perform under pressure', are generally not very competent and therefore deliver a perfunctory lick, suck and kiss and hope that he will be happy until the next time. Its just as well under those circumstances he can't see her face!

Hints for boys
No woman, no matter how enthusiastic a player she is, likes to find herself confronted with an odorous crotch. It might be saving water wearing your underpants two days in a row, but if you expect attention of an oral nature, prepare for it and be clean, freshly washed and not in the least bit fusty and musty! If you are uncut and intact, that means cleaning under the foreskin, boys!

No woman (or man for that matter) wants to be forced - it is possible to commit oral rape. Just remember that, boys, when next time you grab a handfull of hair and shove it in until is blocking her throat and she gags.

If you are looking to convince her that this is something pleasurable and enjoyable for you both, don't force her to swallow, don't demand she take it on the face and don't sulk when she has to stop because her jaw has locked up!

******

However, I digress. Let us turn to the woman in charge; the woman for whom the lad would walk over hot coals to gain her attention; the woman he calls Mistress, Ma'am, Lady. This woman knows what she likes and when she likes it. Does she like to suck cock? It seems she does.

In this scenario, let us call her Mistress M, she lists it amongst her favourite "up close and friendly" activities. Why? Because she likes the way in which she can rule him...with just one subtle scrape of her teeth, she lets him know who is in charge. She delights in making sure he knows she likes this... and then denies him. No matter how he begs for her attentions, she ignores him.

She tells him how much she likes the taste of his precum as she sucks, yet the closest she will go is to smear the cum over the tip of his penis with her fingertip.

Mistress M has the benefit of a fluid bonded relationship with her sub but even under these circumstances, she chooses more often than not to partake of this pastime. "Why not?" you ask, "if she likes it so much, surely it would be okay?"

Let us examine the dynamic of this D/s relationship - it is based on a Mummy/boy premise and when in subspace, the lad is often regressed into a 'little boy' frame of mind. No mother I know would trespass on that area which would border on incest. Incest play is not something that has been explored nor discussed between these two and besides, it's a limit She has set for herself. Its not a place she is interested in going.

There are many other things she has inflicted upon him over time - a leather collar around the balls, clips up the shaft, silk scarf used as a harness and restraint, occasional soft application of the leather flick of a crop, even the palm of her hand..... but not her mouth.

If you were to ask Mistress M whether she was likely to indulge herself whilst interacting at a vanilla level, it is likely she would give you that look, half smile and refuse to answer!

*********

Are you a woman who likes oral sex?

I am.

I enjoy it.

I don't have to do it with just anyone, though, just because I like it.

Like everyone, I am selective about with whom I play and when I select, I do so because I want to, not because you, as a man, think it is your god given right to have every woman on their knees and adoring what you might think is the answer to every woman's prayer!

In answer to the question - every woman, whether dominant or not, is in charge when it comes to fellatio and all I can say is you boys out there had best remember that!

Men are "overworked and underlaid"!

2008-11-02T14:22:00.005+11:00

What a great description of many of the men who have come into my life over the years!
Where did I come across this line?
Over the breakfast toast I read an article in today's paper by Mia Freedman in which she quoted some of the responses received by Nigel Marsh to his book, Fat Forty and Fired.

Apparently his book resonated with many men across the country, so much so that they put pen to paper and wrote of their unhappiness and disappointment with their sex lives. They qualified their positions by stating that they loved their wives but felt frustrated by the lack of any sort of physical intimacy.

How many times have I heard this tale from anonymous 40 somethings on the various fora in frequent? It struck me that I had heard the tale so often that I felt that it was just another bloke way of trying to engender sympathy in order to be provided with free wank material. I had become jaded to their plight and not in the least sympathetic - the last thing I wanted to hear was another man telling me how his wife didn't understand him.

Recently I met a professional, 40 something, articulate, educated family man. A man who was, in all but one way, happily married and wanted to stay that way. He was the first one I had met who was up front about his dilema but had also thought through the basis for and the consequence of his need for some extra curricular activity. He had spent some time considering his wife's point of view and what her needs were and was prepared to respect them by not pushing for something he was not going to get.

Instead, he chose an alternative means by which his physical needs could be addressed without placing undue stress on the family situation he wished to preserve. Some would say this constituted cheating.... I was not in a position to judge whether his wife would have considered it in that light. He saw it as a means to address and nourish that aspect of his nature as a sensualist; something that did not happen within the current family dynamic. In addressing it in this way, he was fulfilled and happy to continue within his relationship and it was preserved for the benefit of his wife and children.

I found myself assessing just what our society and culture has done to sex. We have taken it from a natural human animal function and cloaked it in ritual, clouded it in taboos, hidden it away, controlled it as part of religious practice, legislated it, diagnosed it, threatened with it and withdrawn it: so much so that it has become something far more important than it should be.

Surely the need to express one's self through having sex is akin to protecting one's self from danger and making sure one has enough to eat and drink - in truth, just another one of the normal things a body should do without guilt or fear.

From the perspective of having been on the other side of the sheet, I can say that to have your physical needs ignored can be a very hurtful thing. It has been my less than pleasant experience to have been at the mercy of a non responsive partner for several years - when self esteem has been battered within an inch of its life, it is hard not to think that there is something fundamentally wrong/unattractive/revolting about one's self when any advance or suggestion of physical interaction is met with a cold shoulder. This circumstance was compounded by the fact there was never any communication about the issue and if it was suggested that help should be sought to remediate the problem, such suggestions were met with disdain and a refusal to co-operate.

How much more successful a society we could have if we "de monogamised" sex.... to tie it up as part of the Partnership Contract without an escape clause is a recipe for disaster in the long term.

How many marriages, relationships, partnerships fail when the physical side of things hits the limit for one or other of the players? Are there statistics out there that can truly attribute the breakdown of a marriage to that as a significant factor? How many people would be prepared to admit that it is even a contributing factor? Is that why "Irreconcilable Differences" has became the default reason for divorce?

I know that it is possible to part physical company with a significant partner yet retain a civilised union that allows for each to seek their own suitable sexual fulfillment. Not everyone can see that it is a mutually acceptable thing for those people and they are not cheating on each other and each is aware of the other's outside interests...and their respective friends (with benefits) are equally aware of the the existance of the principal partner. Its why some clever lexiographer came up with the term polyamory.

Let's hope some of those deprived, frustrated and overworked correpsondents have found a means by which they can sucessfully get the sex they need without losing their loved one.

Headspace....

2008-10-13T14:33:00.006+11:00

Throughout my time exploring the world of kink, there have been many occasions when I have some across the term headspace used primarily in respect to submissives (and their emotional reaction to a scene) and therefore renamed subspace.

There have been occasions when the question has been posed as to whether there is the same or perhaps a similar "space" into which the dominant may find themselves or even aspire to achieve as part of a scene.

The consensus appeared to be that space was and is, what ever its defining circumstance, eagerly sought by most players. The adrenalin rush, the endorphin rush, the "high", the joy - the calmness, the release, the safe place - whatever it was that was desired, was sought after and was the aim of many of the respondents; it all boiled down to the desire to know that "space" and its aftereffects.

I am currently reading a first hand account of the explorations of a couple and their journey of discovery in the "Other World" - 'Sacred Journey - A BDSM Love Story' by Mistress Mani.
Theirs was a real life, full time relationship in which they explored each other's boundaries, learned each other's bodies and minds, developed their own specific manner of expressing themselves through kink and discovered their own inner selves along the way.

It delights me to see in print the assertion that there is no right or wrong way to be kinky - that no matter what experience, or lack thereof, is brought to a relationship, each interaction, each relationship has its own particular nature and manner of expression.

Within their the early parts of their story, I find reference to an observation on the part of Mistress Mani. She describes how Jay would appear to withdraw into himself in the lead up to a pre arranged weekend of play.
She details her own introspection focussing more on the logistics of designing the weekend, its set dressing, her physical prepartion and her doubts or interests that have been piqued by her research.

I take a step back and consider my own thoughts and preparations leading up to contact with my boy. Many a time this preparation has been more about logistics rather than personal introspection or focussing of desire or need. In our case, dealing with the logisitics is an essential part of my preparation as I feel I must ensure that all is in place before I am comfortable with proceding with any interaction......in effect, I find myself creating my own 'safe place' in the physical world for both of us before I am ready to explore the needs and desires of either or both of us.

Ensuring there is physical 'comfort' in place is an essential part of me finding and exploring my own headspace and has become a part of the "routine" through which I work when taking part in a structured play session. To have that disrupted by unforeseen events, leaves me cranky and ready to lash out at unsuspecting bystanders and it is definitely not a place I like to find myself!

To be continued.....damn the demands of life and the fact that it always seems to interrupt my train of thought!

---------------------------------------------------*--*--*--*----------------------------------------------------

Headspace cont'

It is so important that I retain focus and clarity during a scene - the health, welfare and well being of my sub depends upon it. It is also important to take account of the limits by which we are both constrained. Those limits are, unfortunately, highly restrictive of our percussive play.

Circumstances dictate that whatever the nature of our play, there can be no lasting marks. Imagine my consternation when he reported that some of the marks from a particularly energetic cropping had remained visible the next day. My consternation derived not from the fact that it had appeared I have overstepped the mark, but from the fact that I had indeed marked him and I was pleased about it! I was disappointed that I was not in a position to inspect the "damage" and assess how long it took for the marks to fade completely.

So often I am unable to be personally "on hand" for my boy in the hours and days following a scene. It is by default necessary that I provide aftercare from a distance. I find this circumstance quite isolating yet it gives me a chance to reassess our interactions without additional pressure. Sort of a blessing in disguise, you might say. Some days, it is far from a blessing as I find myself needing to expend my energies in some other way - this pent up reaction is, I am sure, a result of the firm control of my own actions I must exercise at all times.

I am not sure whether I should take up some form of martial art or have a regular booking with a massage therapist! Either way, something's gotta give!

The slip back into "reality" is so easily achieved, I often wonder whether I have really "zoned out" at all - yet I know I have. I know my voice takes on another quality, I know my demeanor alters, my facility to articulate exactly what I want is sharpened and not restrained by caution or embarrassment any longer. I shift from daily "me" to "mistress" with relish and without fear. I shift back without even thinking....the lines are blurring as I grow more accepting of this aspect of my nature.

There is so much about this state of being that is introspective, it is little wonder that many vanilla folk find it impossible to comprehend and accept as normal.

Some writing.....

2008-10-10T13:25:00.002+11:00

Slave Girl

He shook the rain from his jacket as he stepped into the warmly lit foyer.

“What a night for an Opening! I was sure no one would venture out in this weather.”

The girl held her hand out to him, silently offering to take his wet coat. Something in her manner, her controlled poise, her stance tickled at his subconscious. He pushed the feeling down and refocused his attention on the room.

As he surveyed the space, a copy of the exhibition catalogue was handed to him and he was offered a drink. He noted there was more staff than potential buyers present, unusual for this gallery as they had a reputation for drawing big crowds and making good sales on behalf of their artist clients.

The Gallery Director was deep in conversation with two women on the far side of the foyer but, as he watched her animated gestures, she looked his way. Excusing herself, she made her way towards him.

“Michael! How delightful!” She kissed his cheek with that practiced ease of a public relations specialist.

“Katherine. Stunning as ever. What have you dragged me out for?” He took a sip of the wine.

“Darling……” the drawl slithered over him; “ Would I waste your time if I didn’t think you would appreciate this work?”

He smiled sardonically at her schmooze, knowing that in fact she was right. She knew his style, his taste and his interest in acquiring works considered “on the edge”.

Katherine glanced at her watch, slipped into “promotions mode” and stepped away from him.

“Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to Katherine Steiner Galleries and to the opening of our latest show. Tonight we will introduce you to the work of Alan Franks and Melody Hirst. This is a collaboration of a nature I am sure most of you will never have seen the like of before.
Please make your way into the main gallery. Alan and Melody will be present to answer your questions.” Katherine indicated the main door as two staff swept the doors aside.

A waft of vapour drifted out….. the space was dark.

Intrigued by the theatrics, Michael was drawn towards the door. As he stepped through, a soft pool of light formed over a suspended work hanging in the centre of room.

The fine chains glinted in the light. As his eyes adjusted, the detail of the picture revealed itself. Her bent form, tightly corseted, breasts spilling out, eyes shut against the obvious pain from her arms chained behind her. Stark in its black and white simplicity, yet it seemed so alive.

The sudden surge in Michael’s groin, his back stiffening, his breath suddenly ragged caught him by surprise. Transfixed, he stared at the picture of the girl chained, on her knees. Its power radiated.

He was oblivious to the sounds of movement and quiet talk among the other patrons as they followed him into the gallery.

As his eyes adjusted further to the gloom of the surrounding space, he became aware of something other in the big gallery space. Tearing himself away from the picture, his attention was drawn to a dark form just visible in the wisps of vapour. As he approached, another soft pool of light formed from above.

Again, fine silvery chains winked and sparkled in the light play, however these ones seemed almost alive. His eyes traced their path toward the floor.

An involuntary gasp escaped his lips. It was her!

Her alabaster skin shone in the soft light. The black leather of her corset and boots stark against her paleness. Tiny beads of perspiration glittered on her face, the strain of her confinement evident.

A commanding voice shattered his personal reverie. Responding to the barked order, the girl on the floor stiffened and attempted to straighten herself. Her obedience despite her pain stirred a feeling in Michael he could not explain but he recognised he wanted that feeling again.

Raising her eyes reluctantly, she looked straight at Michael as she had been told. Their eyes locked.

Michael knew then he must have this work, this art, this woman as his own.

© 2007 Australwind

In the Back Seat...

2008-09-29T16:37:00.004+10:00

I popped into a blog I read occasionally and was prompted by the posts about having sex in cars to recall a misspent youth in the back rows at the many drive-in theatres that used to be scattered around the suburbs of my home city.

Ah... the drive-in! What an institution that was! My earliest memories are of those where i accompanied my mum and dad to the local. It was a rare occurrence for us to go, but when we did, my brother and I were dressed in our jammies, dressing gowns firmly tied at the waist and slippers a-foot. For us, the best part was the playground where we were allowed to frolic until the start of the movie. We were called back to the car, allowed a treat from the snack bar and firmly tucked up under the blankets in the back seat, to snooze our way through whatever had caught the attention of the parents.

It was a very family friendly nice and neat experience..... not even remotely close to the fogged up windows and the dreadful fried food of my teenaged years.

My first long term boyfriend was old enough to own a car and have a licence (driving age in Victoria is 18). Despite a firm curfew time for any week day dates, we were often returning home late having spent the evening at the drive - in.

What were the movies?

Please don't ask me that.... I can't recall anything of note, except for getting grounded because Woodstock ran foooooooorrrrrrrreeeeevvvveeerrrrr and we were late getting home!
We often elected to go to the Twin Drive-in in Clayton....it wasnt because we wanted the choice of movies... it was because of one thing and one thing only.....R rated movies!

This was early in the introduction of the R rating and during this period there were thousands (perhaps hundreds...) of R rated soft porn movies on the circuit....and I think we probably saw all of them! The advantage of going to Clayton was that there was usually a respectable movie showing in the other area so we could cover ourselves if we were asked what we had been to see!

To attend an R rated movie you had to be over 18 or accompanied by a parent. I wasn't over 18 and there was no way I wanted a parent in the back seat cramping my style! I was never caught out as being under age which was just as well as I was doing some very naughty stuff for an under aged person, the least of which was sneaking in to watch "dirty movies"!

I discovered there were definitely a range of options for sex positions in the back seat of a car.... and some definitely worked better than others.....I thank goodness I was short and reasonably flexible! Until there was a better location option for indulging in each others bodies, the drive in was the venue of choice.

Many years later when I was involved with someone who wasn't taking me home to meet mother, the drive in popped up as an option for a private place to get up to a little hanky panky. Luckily there were actually a couple left at that stage....was a dreadful movie and we ended up leaving part way through....but the privacy was still a benefit. I thank goodness for the large and accommodating rear seat of the car of my friend as I was definitely not as flexible as I once was.

There are just a couple of venues left in the country now... and I was asked if I would take my daughter and her friend to see a triple set of movies.

I discovered that the design of cars has changed so much that to sit in the back seat and drop the front seats forward no longer affords a reasonable view of the screen....the food in the snack bars is still feral, but they did have a some local rock and roll dance sets livening up the intermission!

It was definitely not the place for a little back seat bonking of the sort of my youth. I believe that there are restrictions on the type of movie that can be shown on the screens that still exist....seems that the neighbours don't like seeing 10 metre tall naked men and women cavorting in technicolour over their back fence!

Shame really.... I can remember on occasions passing the drive ins on the way home from somewhere else....there were a couple where you could see the screens from the road. You could always tell whether it was a "naughty nudie" or not by the number of vehicles pulled over on the side of the road!

The Art of Conversation - second thoughts.

2008-09-24T17:12:00.002+10:00

On reflection and after rereading what I had written in the preceding post, I realised that there were some areas that needed clarification and expansion.

Let's look at emails, IM chat and SMS for starters. What a minefield of misinterpretation these formats can be! Ok, so you can chat with Horny Guy from San Fransisco any time of the day or night but can you be sure that you are both on the same page?

Convenience is one thing, but are you actually getting your meaning across to him and he to you?
I have a friend (other than Horny Guy) in SF - we have emailed and had IM chats over a couple of years now, yet I feel I am no closer to knowing him than I was before I started. We have talked via Skype....well, perhaps I should say I have talked and he has listened....apparently the sound of an Australian accent is quite appealing and he was content to just listen all night!

Even with the added benefit of voice chat, I still feel that I don't "know" him.....I am lacking the visual contextual clues gained in a conversation face to face. We have discovered the "joys" and the pitfalls of colloquialisms and context for language and have spent some time explaining to each other phrases and words and how our differing cultures place different meanings on the same word. It has been a most enlightening experience.

We both speak English....Australians have American culture via TV, music and movies shoved down their throats on a daily basis, even the US presidential election gets more air time on the News services than any other world event, yet we still have communication issues.

Take a look at the number of people who frequent internet chat rooms and fora looking for the chance to find themselves the perfect dom/sub. In some cases they are looking solely for an online relationship - scary!

With misinterpretation and misunderstanding rife in the online environment, who would carelessly indulge in such a liaison? Lots of people, it would seem! I consider one of the most important factors in developing a Dom/sub relationship is ensuring that you are both reading from the same manual and are on the same page.... that it is a consensual arrangement based on trust and truth.

How easy is it to play the fool with someone when they cannot see you to judge the accuracy of your descriptions, they cannot verify your intent by reading your mannerisms and body language, they cannot judge your sincerity from just your words on a screen.

In my own relationship of this nature, the person with whom I was corresponding, found it easier to reveal their most hidden desires behind the anonymity of an online nic and a generic AV. As the trust grew, so did the need to move the friendship into the real life arena. Such a move was not made without caution and an "out" clause - we both retained the right to pull the plug on any progression if there was no 'chemistry'.

Luckily for both of us, there were no surprises - the pictures that had been exchanged had not been lifted off some convenient website, nor were they years old back when we were young, slim and fit! We had both been lucky to have found in the other, someone who did not set out to deceive or mislead. How often do you hear of it being quite the opposite?

Having met in person, it was almost like having to start the conversation again - because now we could 'see' what the other way saying. Everything took on new layers of meaning when it was delivered in person.

As the relationship developed, so did the capacity to 'know' each other's mind. How delightful is the power of the mind? When you are so far into the subconcious of your sub, even a casual email can have them slipping into that submissive mindset. This is not something to be abused, yet I fear there are unscrupulous internet predators out there who would happily do just that if given the chance.

Personally, I would never intentionally set out to develop an internet only Dom/sub relationship - there is too much to be learned and enjoyed from having those 'conversations' face to face!

The art of conversation and sex

2008-09-20T16:09:00.003+10:00

One of the more interesting lights of self awareness I have turned on as I have aged, is that I need to be intellectually engaged by the person with whom I am contemplating having sex.

I like to know a little of what makes them tick; I need to be drawn into the subtle sparring that is conversation; to be intellectually stimulated. Ok, they need to have that certain something that makes me go 'hhhmmmm' but they won't find themselves any more likely to play with my body than fly to the moon if they are not prepared to engage my mind first.

So how does one become a flirtatious and desirable conversationaliste?

The art of conversation is about give and take, listening and sharing, expounding and absorbing; within this verbal interchange should be an atmosphere of truth, respect and openness, coupled with a desire to learn.

Conversation is about equality - it is certainly not about lecturing your prospective bed mate about the why's and wherefores of the best way to give oral sex and then dropping your pants and demanding to see whether you paid attention! Give me a cold spoon and I will show you just what I think of that approach!

It is so important to listen = listen with your eyes as well as with your ears. You can tell so much about the hidden meaning of some words just by the manner in which they are said, the tone, the intonation, the accompanying body gestures.

I am a demonstrative speaker - I emphasise and extrapolate on what I am saying with gesture, facial expression, careful phrasing, the classic pregnant pause. I find the personal conversation to be the most revealing of myself as intent can be discerned by "reading" how I am saying something and the response emphasised by the physical reactions of my fellow conversationaliste.

So where does this leave us in this technological age of cyber dating, SMS messages and emails?

I have found that I produce far more written correspondence these days as a consequence of my increasing computer skill base. I have also become more sensitive to how important it is to check how something is written and to ensure that intent is conveyed correctly.

With such a plethora of means by which we can communicate, it seems we have managed not to hear what is important. Is this a failing of the communicators to say what they mean or are the receptors not hearing what is being said? Communication in any relationship is so important, but it useless if you don't hear what is being said.

Take the following recent experience as an example:

New friend, let's call him A, asked if I was available for coffee and a chat. I said yes, and the first couple of chats along this line went off ok. I asked about means by which I could keep in touch and he gave me an email address to use.
I informed A I would be away for a period of time and I would keep in touch using emails as it was more convenient for me to write a quick note at night. A advised me that he was not a regular email user but would keep an eye out.
It seemed that his idea of "keeping an eye out" consisted of checking the email about once a month. I didn't realise that his computer use was so infrequent.

So here I am with weeks passing, emails not replied to, thinking, oh well, he has had second thoughts. After three weeks of not hearing from him, I wrote the "Do you need a way out of this?" email.... I made it, I thought, wryly humorous, non critical nor judgmental. Again, nothing for weeks. When I finally did get a response to that email, it appeared the humour eluded him completely.

Then, I get an SMS message: would I like to catch up for coffee? Plans were made, the coffee was had and a few "clear the air" matters were discussed. In that conversation, the issue of communication was uppermost - how important it was, if this was to continue and grow, that I needed to have some sort of interchange in the gaps. (This becomes more important for me as I am absent for long periods and its the one way I can nurture a relationship in my physical absence.) The physical reactions and responses were telling me that he wanted to pursue this relationship.

I get home after the last date feeling as if some of my doubts and concerns had been laid to rest. We had arranged to meet again later in the week, timing to be confirmed on the day. As it was A's timing that was critical, I felt it his call to advise me.

When I hadn't heard, I opted to contact him, only to be told that he "wasn't going to be able to make it today". Needless to say I was livid. He would have known right from the outset that morning he wasn't able to make it yet he made no attempt to let me know.

All of those conversations had apparently fallen on deaf ears. He had heard but he had not listened. I looked back at what I had said. I recall clearly saying that it was most important to me to have effective lines of communication open in order to maintain a relationship and he acknowledged that. He must have filed it straight into the part of his head that said "agreed to but not taken on board"!

Maybe, just maybe, I need to take another approach to this - he has told me that he is a tactile person.... I trying to think how I could send him the message in a touchy feely form.....;)

My advice?

If you want to develop any sort of relationship with anyone, learn the art of conversation. Learn to speak with integrity, clarity, truth and respect. Learn to listen with purpose, respect, open mindedness and learn from what you hear. The most significant aspect of a conversation can actually be the silences.

If you are a person, like myself, who has multiple relationships, you will appreciate the importance of honesty, openness and frankness. Be not afraid to speak, they might not always like what they hear. Be not afraid to listen, you might just learn more than you think.

If all that is wanted is the occasional shag, find a 'pay as you go' service where you only have to engage the "sex drive", take off your clothes and fuck.

Followers

2008-09-19T14:00:00.003+10:00

Blogger has just made available a new gadget that I have decided to try out....Followers.

Seeing as I don't consider myself a guru, I was pleased to note that the name of the Widget could be changed from Followers... so I have decided to welcome all my "fellow deviant" readers to the Lounge.

Take the plunge and show yourself as a visitor to the Lounge. The worst that can happen is that you may find yourself with a new reader of or subscriber to your blog!

New Tone

2008-09-01T18:33:00.002+10:00

As you, dear reader, may well have noticed, the nature of the postings of recent times and the accompanying discussions via the comments sections has been steadily progressing into the world of sex. Not just good old rumpy pumpy, but "the dark side" of all things sexual.

The study of the human condition has always fascinated me and as I have wandered about over the years sampling and testing, reading, watching and trying out, I have discovered that all that appears on the surface is just that - a surface. Underneath there are so many new exciting, terrifying, bizarre, alternative and just plain strange things to captivate and to explore. I continue to delve into alternative family styles, sexualities, BDSM and open relationships both in the present and in history.

In the process of exploring the human condition on a global scale, I have taken my own personal journey and discovered many things about myself on the way. I choose to live now in a fashion that many would find reprehensible, disgusting, morally defunct and otherwise in plain poor taste! I am poly, bisexual and Dominant.... not the sort of person someone readily takes home to meet their mother!

I cannot help the fact that many people are hypocritical and deceitful of themselves and their partners. However, I will always be open and honest about the person I am - take it or leave it.

When I come across someone who has the courage to bare his innermost thoughts regarding what would be for many a highly distasteful series of revelations, I am impressed. I have added this relatively new Blog to my "friends" list over on the right and have been following this story with interest. If you are interested in what it means for a man to come to terms with his submissive side and to share his journey, have a read. If not... forget I ever mentioned it!

Courtesans, Escorts and Whores.

2008-09-01T17:59:00.004+10:00

There are those in the community who would say that courtesans, escorts and whores are all the same thing in that they are all women who sell themselves for sex. I cannot agree with this assessment and I am sure neither would the ladies themselves....

The argument would tend around the fact that all the (traditionally) women are considered prostitutes - whether or not that is in fact the case at all.

Then there are those within the community both general and legal, who would suggest that someone who identifies as or provides the services of a Professional Dominatrix is in the same group - a prostitute - that she is selling sexual services and as such is conducting an illegal activity.

I am a member of an online community where this discussion has been raised and many of those who identify as Pro Dominas are outraged and insulted at the suggestion that they are considered in the same manner as a prostitute and that the services they provide are considered sexual and therefore illegal.

Many of the women have commented that if there is any suggestion that they may provide a service of a sexual nature, their client will be reminded that it is not part of the package and politely asked to leave!

How is it that there is such a misunderstanding about the nature of what a Pro Domina does? Is it because BDSM has been sold by the media as a black latex clad, whip wielding prostitute? I am sure there are women in the sex industry who are willing to provide that dress up fantasy scenario for their clients... but a little set dressing, a Pro domme does not make! (I do not underrate the importance or the relevance of what sex workers do.... nor do I believe that what they do be considered as illegal.)

As with the courtesans of the 17th and 18th century, there is a world of difference between what they did as professional women in comparison to the "common prostitutes" of the time...

For some of the courtesan's clientele, there was never a sexual relationship. For others, it was definitely part of the 'deal' but it came with caveats. For a Pro Domme, there are always limits placed on the services they would provide for a client. Not one of the women who took part in this discussion would ever entertain sexual services as part of the "arrangement". In fact, many reported pulling the plug on sessions where the clients demonstrated inappropriate behaviors.

The question remains - why then, if the service is not about providing sex for money, are Pro Dommes classed as prostitutes in many, if not most, of the world's legal jurisdictions?

Fetishes.

2008-08-15T16:07:00.002+10:00

Just what counts as a Fetish?

When does something that one person considers a normal part of their sexual play become something that is more than that to another?

I am a member on a site where the list of Fetishes one can ascribe to enjoying and/or wanting explore increases exponentially with the membership growth! There are things out there that I would never have considered as Fetishes yet it seems they are!

For some people, the fetish may not have a sexual connection or connotation - but for the purposes of this little exploration into things kinky, we will assume there is such a connection.

My Dictionary tells me this:

fetish |ˈfeti sh |
noun
an inanimate object worshiped for its supposed magical powers or because it is considered to be inhabited by a spirit.

• a course of action to which one has an excessive and irrational commitment : he had a fetish for writing more opinions each year than any other justice.

• a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc. : Victorian men developed fetishes focusing on feet, shoes, and boots.

Definitions 2 and 3 certainly apply - as both could have applications within the kink world - but could the first? I consider it possible from a purely intellectual standpoint but others may disagree. That's a theory that the fetishists among us may be prepared to expand upon.

I believe this definition to be a little restrictive in its application as it appears to be focussed on objects and their value. How would you describe a person's desire to be treated in a particular way? I would see it as that person having a particular fetish for a course of actions...actions that may or may not involve the use of objects or body parts. However, it is the combination of these actions that evoke the heightened sexual response and the subsequent craving for more, rather that a particular object, per se.

Take the "Little Boy" for example - in daily life he may well be successful businessman, academic, scientist; family man, partner, parent; reasonably affluent; a manager of people, finances, companies; all in all, a competent, capable, powerful, busy person; a leader.

Behind the closed doors of his private world, there is another person lurking. That person just wants to be the carefree little boy at his mother's knee again. Not having to worry, not having to be strong and decisive, wanting to feel that unconditional nurturing yet firm hand of his mother. He wants to be spanked and spanked hard when he is naughty and crushed to her breasts and cuddled when he is good or sad. Depending on the person, this may or may not have a place in their sexual interactions however it is highly likely that engaging in this will evoke a sexual response.

He loves the feel of her palm on his bare flesh and the sting of the slaps as they bounce off each buttock. He anticipates hungrily the time she picks up that leather belt and applies soundly it to his butt - the smell of the leather and the crack as it strikes is something he desires so deeply, it shames him that he craves such treatment.

He is released by this, transported to a time and place where he can let go and luxuriate in the freedom. He is consoled, fulfilled and no doubt pleasured by this experience. He loves the aftercare of her stroking his hair as he lies cradled in her arms, sometimes sobbing quietly.

Spanking appears on the list of Fetishes on the site I mentioned earlier... but I don't consider that the dictionary definition above really suits such a dynamic as that described - after all, Spanking is an action therefore a verb, not a noun! (Oh damn it, there rises the pedant in me!)

I'm guessing that some people will regard this as bizarre behavior and others will pass it off with a "whatever rocks your boat". Then there will be those that are screaming inside - "that's me!!!!!! I want that!" and be too intimidated by their own image to admit it out loud to someone who may well be the answer to their deepest desire.

The recent case in the British Press focusing on the exploits of a certain motor racing administrator and his companions have dragged the kink world into the spotlight again. This was supposedly in the public interest but in actual fact only damaged people (ie his family) who should not have been put through such an exposure.

It has highlighted, though, the existence of the need for some to seek the means by which they can let that lurking person out from behind those closed doors in safety and privacy without any collateral damage. It highlights even more the level of trust that someone places in another when they reveal that inner craving and then embark upon a path to satisfy it.

So often it occurs that it is necessarily someone other than the wife or partner who provides this release and I wonder whether this then adds to the naming of such an activity as "fetish" because it is extra curricular to the marriage?

This has rambled a bit.... but no doubt there are many points of contention, differences of opinion and extra items to be added to the list that bears the label Fetish....

As a postscript, I cringe every time I see that the fashion industry has now taken Fetish to the High Street and any silly young thing can deck herself out in the latest corset and fishnets without a second thought!

Revisting old pastures.....

2008-08-12T19:23:00.002+10:00

Perhaps it is unkind to label a friend of many years standing "old pastures", but I was trying to think of a catchy title and staggered under the influence of a rather large dictionary being waved at me in a threatening manner!

Over the last week I have been on the road again with my "daily grind" and was able to stay with a friend = an old friend. Not old in the sense of advancing geriatric status, but old in the way of meaning "long time". Friend.... definitely.

We have seen each other through marriages, one each... both failed; single child rearing - Him three, me one; new relationships - Him one serious live in, me one and still there, but no longer on the same page.

We have both had our health crises, both had our alone times and both had times when we felt that we had a way of looking at the world that didn't fit with the mainstream. We have managed through all this to weather the storm, the distance and the absences, to fight and make up and, when we have had the chance, to reacquaint with each other.

This last week has been interesting.

I had, some time ago, talked to Him about my perception of relationships...and how I could quite happily love more than one at a time. To have used the word Polyamory with Him would have sent up red flags, but I have talked on occasions about how I can and do have more than one significant person within my circle for whom I care deeply, can be intimate with and am not particular about what gender they are.

He is a little different - he seeks that one person with whom he can form a committed relationship, yet he doesn't want the yoke of having to be monogamous. He is discovering more about himself all the time. At the moment, He has two women in His life that are local to him. He finds himself wanting to be part of each of their lives and to have them in His but He doesn't want to play "happy families" as He also wants to be on His own.

And then He has me. I come and go when work sends me there and He occasionally comes south. We have periods where we are intimate and periods when we are not. We respect each other's spaces and each other's commitments. Ours is a loving friendship. A friendship that I am sure neither of these women would understand or accept.

We established a long time ago that it is possible to love someone but not be "in love" with them. I have no desire to make a life and a future of a domestic kind with Him nor Him with me - we enjoy the time we have when we have it!

It is my hope that He can find some happiness in His journey and that these two ladies can share this man - I have shared Him with others all the years I have known Him. He is intelligent, interesting, articulate, caring, resourceful, generous and skilled; who wouldn't want to know Him? Besides, He's a damn good fuck!

Making a New Friend

2008-07-22T21:50:00.004+10:00

Throughout our lives we encounter a wide range of people in an even wider range of circumstances. Some are merely encounters of a casual nature, not repeated due to the transient circumstances - you would not expect the girl who serves your coffee to make a life long impact.

Some contacts are more enduring, yet still casual - after all, your favourite butcher or green grocer is unlikely to become a friend. Sometimes it happens but most would refer to the people met in this manner as acquaintances.

Your health services providers would by the very nature of their professional contact will know more about you than most - still unlikely in today's litigious environment to move the relationship beyond professional to personal.

Working environments have become a minefield of sexual harassment suits and "pc" in everything that is said, done and shared. People are warned about inappropriate behaviours and are given guidance in how to survive the office Christmas party without making a fool of themselves with the boss and/or the hot secretary from Accounts!

So, how do we manage to widen our circle of friends these days? Go speed dating? Hang out at the local pub and hope that someone chats to you? Join the local quilting group? That's fine if you happen to want a quilting buddy, but if you are after the chance to perhaps develop an intimate relationship, you are unlikely to find your new bed mate on the other side of the quilting frame!

The internet and all its wonders have provided a means by which many people have connected - some through dating sites, others through interest specific forums, yet others through social networking situations like Facebook and Myspace. There are those who "meet" and interact by taking part in the blogging communities like this one. The internet allows for a broad range of contact on a quite impersonal and anonymous level.... you can be who you choose to be within cyberworld.

For some, the new friends that are made in adulthood are as a result of the activities and daily routines of their children. Other children's parents become the friends.....the common ground is often neighbourhood and school.

What happens if you have reached an age when you no longer have the chance of widening your social contact based on the stages of your children's growth? You are not planning to move into a retirement home just yet and the local bridge club seems as inviting as cleaning the bathroom!

From personal experience, the most important thing you can do with yourself at that "certain age" is to open your mind to the possibility that there are people out there that want to know you; that they too are looking for someone new in their lives. To have a closed mind to the possibility of a new man or woman in your life being just around the corner is to deny yourself the opportunity to live and to love with joy and abandon.

When that unexpected phone call comes, answer it. When that invitation is made, accept it. When that first contact promises more, take the plunge. It might not last for long, but it deserves your full and enthusiastic involvement for the sheer joy of it.

Why is it we will so readily deny ourselves pleasure as if it is sinful and selfish? Pleasure is about fulfilling need, appreciating beauty, indulging in the delights that life has to offer. We are so ready to see doom and gloom everywhere, it is about time we took a more positive approach to our days, to our future. By sharing our pleasures with others, we can in some small way change the way others see themselves and their lives. Pleasure can be gained from the smallest gesture, the sharing of happiness, a smile, a touch of the hand, listening to another when they wish to reveal themselves.

When the new friendship opportunity arose for me recently, I had concerns about the probity of the potential relationship. Due to the nature of some of the "friendships" I have, no new relationship I undertake is done so without first establishing one basic tenet of behaviour - ie: that of total honesty - and in having done so, I was reassured that my concerns were unfounded.

I look forward to traveling this road - I believe this will be quite a rewarding journey.

Labels

2008-07-15T09:38:00.005+10:00

Some time ago I edited my settings to put a Content Warning on this blog. I did so with the intention of sexing things up a bit and perhaps using this format as a way of journaling the path I am taking.

So far I haven't even considered what I would document here - whether it would examine the research reading I have been undertaking or whether it would provide a forum for my own musings on the steps I have taken along my chosen way. Either way, it would seem I am somewhat reluctant to begin.

Perhaps I should look at creating another space here in cyberworld that is less likely to be linked back to me personally by those who know me - maybe I would feel more comfortable? Who knows?

This is a recently completed book - "A History of Orgies" by Burgo Partridge . It was written and published in 1958 and was a fascinating insight into the concept of orgy - despite what you are no doubt thinking, dear reader, it was not all about sex!

I had preceded this title with a more recent examination of swingers and their rituals (specifically in the US and Canada) in the book "The Lifestyle" by Terry Gould. Both books were well researched and had a scholarly approach - if you were looking for hot and steamy, you had come to the wrong place!

Home and Away

2008-07-09T19:41:00.002+10:00

How does one assess the potential of a lifestyle on a relationship? What effect is constant absence likely to have on the people concerned?

Is that old adage: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder?" really true?

Or should we perhaps consider the newer saying..... "Absence encourages the eye (and hands) to wander!" as being more true to the case.

From experience I have found that both actually hold true and that there is yet a third alternative to consider.

A tale for you all to ponder....

Within the dragon's castle walls, there is an uneasy truce between dragon and liege man. Hostilities erupted between the two some time ago when circumstances saw the dragon unwillingly confined.

The liege man was also discontent as it appeared his fair maiden had withdrawn her favours from him without explanation or reason. The dragon bore the brunt of his unhappiness and anger. It seemed as if there was no other option than for both to abandon the castle and for each to seek their respective fortunes far afield.

Despite this unhappy state of affairs persisting for some months, they struggled to right the state of disrepair into which the castle had fallen.

The dragon elected to take a much needed journey to fairer climes for a short period enjoying restorative food, wine and good company. On returning to the castle, it was discovered that progress had been made on the repairs and there was the likelihood that the services of the dragon would be required in other kingdoms over the next few months.

This lightened the mood somewhat as more progress on the building work was made. Purchases of essential materials were effected and plans put into place for the next stage. Then the news came through. The dragon was required at short notice to attend to another kingdom's woes!

With a quick polish of the scales and sufficient fire rock to last the duration of the task tucked under a wing, the dragon departed on this new assignment. What a joy this new found freedom was!

The liege man rediscovered his purpose and produced some of his best work in anticipation of the dragon's approval on return. It transpired that he actually wished to impress the dragon and receive appropriate praise. The dragon was delighted with the work and said so in glowing terms - suddenly there was joy and happiness within the castle walls again.

The dragon leaves the castle regularly over the next while - and with each return is greeted with more progress on the work combined with a happier liege man anticipating a return.

Where will this end? When will this end? Is the dragon destined to lose the man when the work is complete?

What is the moral to this fairy tale?

Missing In Action

2008-06-21T10:14:00.003+10:00

When the Lounge was a place that people would visit, stay and chat, tell a joke, share a drink or perhaps even fluids of a bodily kind, there was always laughter here. The place was somewhere where you could toss off the cares of everyday life and indulge in a little fantasy.

For some, those fantasies translated into reality - it was a place where you could get some advice if you wanted it, share the fears and the triumphs and develop friendships. For some, those online friendships spilled happily into real life. It has been worthwhile to keep it open - warm and welcoming.

I can hear the minds ticking over... "real life, she says!" Yes - real life! There is at least one very real life relationship that has evolved from contacts made here.

Maybe this is the place to share that story.

Long Time between drinks

2008-06-20T20:10:00.003+10:00

It has been some time since I wandered through these corridors....as the original purpose of this blog had seemed to have been served.

Life has a way of tossing you curve balls and as such, this place was overlooked and neglected. What saddens me about that is the loss of contact with some special friends who visited here.

It has been some time since I have heard from any of them - I wonder what cards the game of life has dealt them in the meantime?

Expanding the options....

2006-08-21T16:37:00.000+10:00

The Coffee Lounge has always been known for its added extras..... the rooms down the corridor that have all sorts of specialised facilities.

I think it might be time to start acquiring and opening those rooms up and outfitting them to suit the varied tastes of our visitors.

I wonder whether a hot tub will appeal? It has certainly added another dimension in the past!

Cold nights.....

2006-08-11T22:59:00.000+10:00

Time the Lounge was made a little more inviting and cosy.................................

Please make yourself comfortable - there are plenty of cushions to toss on the rug.

Blueberry Muffins?

2006-08-07T15:27:00.000+10:00

Do you think these will tempt anyone?

Think it might be time to bake a few muffins to accompany the coffee.

What's that wonderful aroma?

2006-07-29T07:42:00.000+10:00

Time to put the feet up and share a cup (or a mug, for that matter)

Lounging about

2006-07-21T10:48:00.000+10:00

Life has dragged me a way from my Lounge for a bit of late, but I was hoping to find that some of you had been to visit and left me a note....

It seems we all have things that take us away from our pleasure spots at times. What can I offer to make this place a little more attractive?

Tossing Cushions!

2006-06-19T15:31:00.000+10:00

Having been absent from the state for a few days, I have not been able to keep the Lounge as clean and tidy as I would have liked.

Think I might have to employ a manservant.

I would expect someone that is competant in managing staff as well as being flexible enough to cater for the varied needs of all the Lounge's visitors.

I wonder where the best place would be to advertise for such a man.

Challenges!

2006-06-13T21:20:00.000+10:00

Here I was, thinking I would manage to bring everyone back together for a bit... and what happens? We have a bit of a storm here Sunday night and there's a power surge ... at this point, we think its "fried modem".

All I know is, I have been without internet connection for several days until going interstate for work, arriving at the hotel and dialling up!

So much for a warm welcome to the Lounge for all of you!

Invitations are Out

2006-06-10T16:45:00.000+10:00

I have sent out notices to a few people... I hope they manage to find their way here...I wonder if the prospect of a cork being pulled from a bottle of nice Australian Red would entice any of them from out under the covers!

Welcome

2006-06-10T11:52:00.000+10:00

It's time to dust off the cobwebs and open the place up again.......

As some of you invited to be here will know, there has been another disaster computerwise and forums where we are used to meeting on a regular basis have been closed. I thought that this little spot may keep some of us in touch and communicating in the meantime. A blog is a different way to do it, I know... but if you would like to be a regular contributor, please ask and you shall become a team member!

In the meantime, the coffee is on and the fire is lit. Settle in and have a chat!